The "Weather" Post

Week one of being a stay-at-home-mom is officially under my belt. It was a dirty tsunami wave of emotions and debris that I (naively) did not see coming. At my lowest point I called Peter (and then my Mom to have the same conversation) and said if staying home with one child is like this, I don't want to have another. End of story.

And on a good day like today I look back on those feelings and think "Wow - it wasn't THAT bad!". There were just certain days this week that happened to be a perfect storm (and yes, I suppose that is my 2nd weather metaphor of this post - blame my Dad for watching so much Weather channel) of not-so-stellar circumstances. The weather for one (no seriously... I didn't even mean to throw another weather reference in here). It was ugly and gloomy for way too many days in a row. It was too wet and cold for Carina and I to get out and take a walk. I was also without my car for the better part of the week because we had it painted (side note: it looks better than awesome). So I was stuck in the house all week. Then one particularly tough day Carina decided to nap for less then an hour. This was also a day that I happened to be babysitting AND a day Peter would get home late.

"It's almost bed time!" a friend commented on my Facebook post, lamenting my woes of the day and I thought "Amen!". Peter and I had 2 hours of relaxation and then as soon as our heads hit the pillow, Carina started crying. She would not stop until she was in bed with us. That lasted till 3 am and then I couldn't take the eye gouging and kicking any more so I moved her back to her crib where she slept mostly peacefully till morning. I should mention that she has had a cough for the past 2.5 weeks that has kept her from sleeping really well - it isn't like her to sleep so poorly.

BUT that was the worst of it. We made it thorough the night. The sun was out the next day. I got my car back. Carina napped 2.5 hours. And Peter was home in the evening to give me a hand. What a difference! Now I don't mean to be a complainer and maybe this week wouldn't have been so hard if I wasn't adjusting my entire life and mindset to staying home instead of working. It definitely gave me perspective and now I can see that there will be hard days but the good days far outweigh those.

Today, for exmple, has been a fantastic day! Carina and I went grocery shopping. I baked pumpkin cookies. I did laundry. Carina has already been napping for 90 minutes (I even left her in her crib awake and after 20 minutes of talking to herself, she fell asleep on her own!). I'm hoping to visit a couple friends this afternoon and my Mom is coming tonight. Oh and the weather is awesome.

I think much of my anxiety boils down to my need to feel useful. On crazy days that I can't control, I can't get out of the house to run errands or even find time to clean up around the house. Then I feel like I'm not contributing to the household. Silly? Probably. Anyway, I better wrap this up before someone decides to wake up early. I think we're all going to be ok!